Realizing that my last post was lacking details of any kind regarding how we found out the good news, I thought I would elaborate for you now. It’s really not a super exciting story, but, of course, it was life changing for us.
After our embryo implantation we were handed a home pregnancy test and instructions on how to use it and what to do once we found out the results. We were also given the exact date that we were to take the test which was 11 days later. A life-time, it seemed. I wish I could say that the days between implantation and the test were easy to get through and that I hardly thought of what the results might be, but that would be a huge lie. Would I be or won’t I be was an all-consuming thought. I was totally annoyed with myself for thinking about it so much, but I couldn’t help it. I started out being very optimistic, but as the days wore on I started feeling gloomy and kept telling Charles that I didn’t think it had worked. If I could have I would have had a nice BIG glass of wine after having completing a mellow run through the park each night to calm my nerves, but I wasn’t allowed to exercise or drink alcohol until the results were in. So unfair!
The night before the test I didn’t sleep well. I was anxious to find out the result, but also dreading it, fearing I would be really disappointed. After waking up nearly every hour, at 7:00am I rolled over to Charles and told him I couldn’t wait any longer. So, with shaking hands I went in to the bathroom, peed on the stick, then got back in bed to wait. After the three minutes was up we both walked into the bathroom to read our fate. Charles picked up the stick and said “It’s positive, it’s positive!” I looked at it and only saw a faint line and asked if he was sure. He read the directions again which said even a faint line is a positive result. I think I was in shock because I asked if that meant I was only a little bit pregnant. We hugged and then crawled back in bed stupidly thinking we might be able to go back to sleep for a few more hours. It would have been nice to keep the news all to ourselves for a little while, but because all of our friends knew what we were going through and because we chose to blog about it everyone kept asking. We were able to ignore everyone for a day, but then figured we might as well tell everyone. It was really nice to hear all the excitement of our friends and family.
It’s still very early days and I am a little bit nervous, but mostly nothing feels different. I’m not sure the reality of what we have achieved has totally sunk in. I am not really experiencing any symptoms yet so maybe when I do it will feel more real. Or maybe after we have our first ultrasound (which is a week) and I can see with my own two eyes that there really is something in there I will feel pregnant. I will admit that every few days I have a moment of panic and ask myself “What were we thinking!” I will be 39 and Charles will be 43 by the time this baby is born. Are we crazy for embarking on this journey so much later in life than most people? But, then I remember all the reasons why we wanted this and I feel excited. I think about how many cool things we have already done and all the places we’ve traveled to and the many friends that we have made around the world. We’ve done a lot of the things that most people do after their kids have grown and moved out. I guess we are just doing it all backwards.
Either way, we are pretty stoked that IVF worked for us on the first try and we are being “cautiously optimistic” as Charles likes to say. A huge thank you to all of you who have supported us and to the NHS for making this whole thing possible. I’m hoping to get back to more regular posts about life in London and other nonsense, but rest assured, I will be giving regular updates about the pregnancy and all that entails. I might even post a few pictures of my growing belly, just to keep it real. Cheers!
The full story here.